The Postman Saw Me Naked

Chris is back from touring the Mediterranean (Spain, France, Italy... and technically Portugal!), while Paul has been living the glamorous life of UK holiday parks. 

They chat cruise ship adventures, taxi drivers with a death wish, speeding fines, Barcelona food markets, the World Cup, and the unforgettable moment one of them accidentally answered the door completely naked to the postman. 

Thanks for listening and do not forget to like, subscribe and share with your mates. You can get in touch with your questions, shoutouts, TUTS of the week,  postpavilionpodcast@gmail.com or check us out on Facebook and Instagram @postpavilionpodcast for all your pod updates 

Transcript

Chris 0:28

Welcome to the Post Pavilion Podcast. Two best mates and a couple of microphones and absolutely no plan. We chat about everyday life, how they became friends, things that amuse us for more than they probably should, and a fair amount of pointless guff. Listen back to the previous episodes to find out the true meaning of guff. This is the Post-Pavilion Podcast.

Paul 0:50

This episode is sponsored by the Pooh Palace, the only throne your cat will actually use. Less litter on the floor, less stink in your house, and one very smug cat. The Pooh Palace. Because your tiny furry overlord deserves a royal toilet.

Chris 1:08

Welcome to the Post Pavilion Podcast with me, Chris Morley. And me, Paul Gilbert.

Paul 1:14

Hello. Normal service is resumed. Absolutely.

Chris 1:18

And guess what?

Paul 1:19

What?

Chris 1:20

We are back in our well, together, aren't we? Yeah. I've driven here. You've driven here. You've never driven to mine. Uh actually I have.

Paul 1:29

Have you?

Chris 1:29

Yeah, I've recorded it in our in our house a couple of times, haven't I?

Paul 1:32

I think we need to give a shout out to actually like our boss, Craig, because the only way I've travelled here today is because you let me the van.

Chris 1:40

Yeah, you've actually got uh the van outside my house. My neighbours are going, what is what is the animal guys? Yeah.

Paul 1:47

Literally. I've driven an hour and a half in an empty van to get here.

Chris 1:50

And there's a massive picture of an orangutan on the side of it.

Paul 1:54

I'll tell you what, certainly get the neighbours talking, then we'll.

Chris 1:56

And I'd say what, they will be talking. So they will. Hello, neighbours.

Paul 2:00

Neighbours anyway.

Chris 2:03

But welcome back. Yes, it's bit it's been a very, very, very busy week.

Paul 2:08

Well, it's been a busy two weeks since our last episode came out. You've been here, there, and everywhere.

Chris 2:12

I have I've been uh I've been I've been on me I've been on me on my boat.

Paul 2:17

Yeah, so we spoke about it in the last episode that you were about to embark on Animal Guys Tour, but you're going on a cruise ship. That's right. Where have you been?

Chris 2:26

Where haven't I been? Oh.

Paul 2:28

Bly me.

Chris 2:28

Where did we begin? Uh so I left Southampton. We then Of course you did. And then we then we pooted on down to Spain. Spain, nice. I can't say whereabouts in Spain. But you went to Spain. But yeah, then we went round Portugal. Yeah, nice. And then we ended I know we went to Barcelona.

Paul 2:43

Nice.

Chris 2:44

Which was very nice, and then we went to Toulon in France. Too long. Too long. Too long.

Paul 2:49

Oh right.

Chris 2:49

How long were you there for? Not that long. Only a few hours. Oh really? Uh and then we went down to uh go down to Italy towards sort of Pisaway.

Paul 2:57

So wait a minute. So you've been to Spain? Yeah. Portugal?

Chris 3:01

Yeah. France. Yeah. Italy. Italy, yeah. I've very well travelled this week. That's just in one week. Guess where I've been? Go on. Myned. Bogna. Yeah. Skegnes. I mean, they're all very nice resorts.

Paul 3:17

Then I went back to Bogner. Then I went to Myned.

Chris 3:22

Yeah.

Paul 3:23

And then I went to Skegnes. And then I got back from Skegnes. Then I went back to Myned.

Chris 3:30

That's a lot of resorts in one week.

Paul 3:32

Yeah. So.

Chris 3:33

I mean the M5's lovely at this time of year.

Paul 3:36

Do you know what? Actually, well, I'm going to speak about. If you live in the south, are we are you is Bournemouth Cloucester south east?

Chris 3:43

It's sort of on the southwest. It's south. It's south-south.

Paul 3:46

Alright, so if you're on the south and you know what the M27 is, I am so happy that they stopped them roadworks. Oh, me too. Oh, it's it's been an absolute bla at night time. Now it ain't 50, and we could do 70. It takes like 15 minutes off our journeys. Just watch out for those speeding tickets. Oh, let's not talk about speeding tickets.

Chris 4:04

Well, we already did in the last few episodes.

Paul 4:06

Yeah, well, actually, I've actually paid me 100 pounds fine now.

Chris 4:09

So you've actually had to pay the bill.

Paul 4:10

So I worked out the other day. Did you know you can go online, uh, put your driving licence number into the government website and they can basically tell you how many points you've got.

Chris 4:19

You've well, you're getting quite a few.

Paul 4:21

Yeah, so now I worked it out the other day based on the data on the government website that I've got I've had six points in seven months.

Chris 4:29

Oh, that's not good, is it? That's not good at all.

Paul 4:32

How does that work? If I get twelve, do I get banned? Yes. So if I get nine, so let's say I've got nine points, and then I'll get another three. Yeah. Am I then banned after that point? Correct. So really you can only get one more.

Chris 4:47

Yeah, once you get to twelve, that's it. They'll give you a ban, and then you've got to retake your test. I'm sure you've got to retake your test, do you?

Paul 4:52

Well, we found out the other day, if you get banned from driving, you have to do your theory and your driving test.

Chris 4:58

I was rubbish at the theory.

Paul 4:59

Yeah, so and then actually in the car on one of the tours, me and a non-driver did the theory test quiz. Yeah. And he failed. No. I passed, he failed. No. He passed, I failed.

Chris 5:15

You failed. You failed the theory.

Paul 5:17

Yeah, I'm the driver, he's the non-driver, never had a license. You failed the less. Never had a driving test. And he passed it and I failed it.

Chris 5:24

To be honest with you, I only just passed the my theory test when I first took it out. Uh, only by a think a point, and then if I had to do it now, I'd be awful. I wouldn't pass it at all.

Paul 5:34

Yeah, no, it's awful. But anyway, so I paid me £100 fine.

Chris 5:37

You paid you £100 fine. You're a little bit lighter.

Paul 5:40

I am lighter. A bit m a few more points on your licence. Do you know what made me laugh about my my speeding ticket? Is one, it was in a mobile police van. Yeah. Them people that sit on bridges and stuff. Yes, yes. And two, did that even take a nice picture? Didn't he?

Chris 5:56

No.

Paul 5:56

You can log online, you can see the picture. Did you see it? Yeah, I saw my picture. And it looks like me and the person in the van were having a well of a time. Um, but it actually looks like I'm shouting at him because I was like turned to the side, which is hence why I didn't see the speed camera. Obviously.

Chris 6:10

Do you know what I would do is print off the picture and then just put it up in your bathroom. I wonder if I can do that. I'd reckon you can.

Paul 6:16

I will have a little little look. So how was your time away?

Chris 6:19

It was do you know what? It was very nice and very hot. And there was a heat wave in the UK as well at the same time.

Paul 6:26

Yeah, I feel like we've had hotter weather than you would have had in Spain, Portugal, France, and Italy.

Chris 6:31

I mean it was still 32 degrees, Paul. Was it really? Yeah, all day. And what what took this the the edge off was uh I could sit near a pool.

Paul 6:40

Nice.

Chris 6:41

And there was air conditioning.

Paul 6:43

Right.

Chris 6:44

And I know people in the UK wouldn't have had air con.

Paul 6:47

No.

Chris 6:48

Because Mrs. uh Mrs. M was very, very warm last week. Oh really? She was uh but she's got a nice car. Surely that's got air conditioning in the car. That's what she had to do in the end. She had to go and sit in the car and take my son to McDonald's just to get a bit of air con.

Paul 7:03

Well, Jim, we realised the other night we were driving and it was still, I think it was we were driving at 11 o'clock at night and uh it was still 24 degrees. Lovely, and the car has no air con.

Chris 7:14

That's not great, but the windows are down.

Paul 7:16

But still, when there's hot air coming through, you're not really gaining anything. You're not so um, but yeah, we've had a hit and people moaning about heat wave, but we'll do that when we do what gets only tops. But a lot of people moaning. The thing is, it's what are you moaning for?

Chris 7:29

But it's hot. So you can't do anything about it. You just I with me, I like to embrace it.

Paul 7:35

But I hate the stigma of that the British people get a bad name for they moan when it's too cold and moan when it's too hot.

Chris 7:41

Yeah.

Paul 7:42

I haven't I don't think I've moaned. I may have stated it's hot, but that's only when I've been on stage for an hour, and then I'll come off stage and I'll got a bit warm. I'm warmer than usual.

Chris 7:52

Well, I was well, I was on was on board uh on the ship with a lot of Scottish and Irish because the the the kids haven't broken up. They've broken up. And every person goes like, oh, it's hot now, innit? I went, yes, you've come to you've come to Spain, it's gonna be hot.

Paul 8:08

That's like getting on a plane, going to the North Pole and complaining you're cold, and there's too much snow.

Chris 8:17

What can you do? Like, there's nothing you can do about it. Stay in your house. But actually, what was nice, it was nice to go have a sunbathe.

Paul 8:23

Oh, of course it was.

Chris 8:24

It was like because it cause we was going up about sort of five o'clock in the evening.

Paul 8:29

Nice.

Chris 8:29

Because it wasn't too hot, well, it was still hot, but it was you it's that come down of the sunshine, isn't it?

Paul 8:34

Right.

Chris 8:35

So, and everybody sort of goes off and has dinner.

Paul 8:38

So, mate, sorry to but so in between, going to Spain, Portugal, France, and Italy, a bit of sunbathing. Yes, bit of uh bit of you were went wandering. Yeah, went you were in Barcelona.

Chris 8:48

Barcelona we went to Barcelona, I have to say, Barcelona, very nice, did turn up though, and every road had road works on it.

Paul 8:55

Oh nice.

Chris 8:56

Apparently they've been doing this these jobs for the last two, three years, and they haven't really progressed further.

Paul 9:01

They're probably the same people that do the motorway in the M27. It's probably it probably is the same. Yeah, do you know what I mean? They took their time. Um, but in between all that, did you work?

Chris 9:10

Yes, I did. Yes. Oh right, you so you did a bit of work. We did a bit of work. Oh nice, yeah. That was when we were bobbling along the sea, right? Bobbling along, yeah. So we had we had we had some really good shows, really, really positive.

Paul 9:21

Um you enjoyed them. Yeah, I loved them. Yeah, it was nice to get back to the room. I'm glad you had a wonderful time in I I don't know why I keep saying it, but you went to France, Portugal, Spain, Italy.

Chris 9:32

Well, technically I didn't go into Portugal. But you did though, you didn't.

Paul 9:34

I sailed around it. Oh, was it a cruise by?

Chris 9:38

Yeah.

Paul 9:38

So you didn't dock in Portugal?

Chris 9:40

No. No, we went to Spain and then we sailed around Portugal, went then went back into Spain again. They might as well have dropped into Portugal. What because it's lovely, isn't it?

Paul 9:50

So but that's part of the advertising of that cruise that you do a cruise by past Portugal.

Chris 9:54

Yeah.

Paul 9:55

So you you so basically That's like driving past a like a McDonald's and going, we could go in there, but we're not.

Chris 10:01

I know, and there's loads of places in Portugal you dock in.

Paul 10:04

Well, actually, years ago, I went to Madeira in Portugal and there's a thing where you go up a hill and you get in a basket, and then the men just like push you down in a basket. Have you ever done that?

Chris 10:15

No, I've never done that.

Paul 10:16

Have you ever been to Portugal? No, never been to Portugal. Go to Madeira. Madeira is beautiful, and there's cruise ships that go there.

Chris 10:22

Just get pushed down in a basket?

Paul 10:23

Yeah, it's like a big yeah, it's just it's really fun. Is it like an air balloon? No, it's not an air balloon. Well, yeah, no, it's like a sit-down one. I remember when we went to Madeira years ago. Um, my mum and dad, we went on holiday for my mum and dad's 25th wedding anniversary, and we went on what we thought was a cruise ship. It was tiny. It may as well have been a tugboat. Oh, really? But anyway, it wasn't um it wasn't the greatest ship, but we had a nice time. But we went to Madeira. Um we went in one of these baskets. People that have been to Madeira have done this, they'll understand it.

Chris 10:54

But so you sit in a basket?

Paul 10:56

You sit in this giant wicker basket, yeah, and then they push you down, you like you slide down the hills and through the streets.

Chris 11:02

Is it like a toboggan?

Paul 11:03

Like a toboggan, yeah, but uh a basket. But it was me, my dad, and my sister went in one, but it was two blokes, and then they took one look at my dad and went, We need somebody else. So they went and got somebody else and brought them over, and we had three of them pushing them down, which kind of didn't make any sense considering we were going downwards. Well, but maybe there's corners and wheels on it, there's gotta be, hasn't it? There's no wheels.

Chris 11:25

You get pushed down in a bunch of ships.

Paul 11:26

Literally, he's got like blocks of wood on them underneath, like it'd be like slate or something. Yeah, um, but yeah, that's an if you ever go to Madeira, do that.

Chris 11:33

I'm gonna find that out. Yeah.

Paul 11:34

Well, next time you got a ship. Are you going back on a ship?

Chris 11:36

Yeah, we'll go I'll go back on next week, but we'll not go to we'll not go to Portugal. Where are you going? Uh Spain again. Go to France and Spain. So gone for a week. Go for a week and then come back to Southampton. We do that twice. And then again, so you wait for two weeks? No, wait for three, actually. Three weeks. Three weeks, yeah. Three weeks in the sunshine. You can't right goofy contract. It's good in it, it's good, isn't it?

Paul 11:59

I'm not saying there's anything bad about my contract in any way, shape, or form.

Chris 12:02

Look, I'm just in I look, I'm just enjoying it while I can, because it could all end tomorrow.

Paul 12:06

You're right. So yesterday is the past. So today is the present, tomorrow is the future.

Chris 12:12

Wise words from Mr. Paul Gilbert. Yeah, we can get that printed on your t-shirt, mate. Yeah, have that. So uh so yeah, a bit of good week, actually. A very good week. Uh back home now, uh back into the home life. Oh, so you did the school run this morning? Did the school run, but I mean I didn't get in till about two o'clock in the morning last night. So it was a You had a mess. What a lovely day. I I went on hit this, right? I went on I was on a I was on a cruise ship.

Paul 12:34

Yeah.

Chris 12:35

I went on four buses, yeah. A taxi. I've got to tell you a story about the taxi driver in a second. Uh two planes, nice, a shuttle bus, nice, two trains, another two trains, another two trains, two uh a another taxi, another taxi, and then a car. Your carbon footprint, top tier. I know, but anyway, listen, the car the um the taxi driver in where? Italy. Nice. I said, how much is it? He said it's a couple of hundred euros. I went, right, because we had to travel an hour to the airport. And you know some taxi drivers they will just do what they want. This guy did. He so you know the speed limit is like a hundred kilometres an hour.

Paul 13:15

Which is like 70 miles an hour, yeah.

Chris 13:17

He was doing about 130, 140.

Paul 13:18

So he was doing 100 miles an hour.

Chris 13:21

Yeah, he was he was putting his foot down.

Paul 13:23

Yeah, but for a taxi driver, time is money. I know, but we So the quicker he gets to you, drops you off. Oh, I get that. The quicker he gets another feet.

Chris 13:31

I get that, but it's my safety. I was worried because we went through a tunnel at 100 miles an hour.

Paul 13:36

Oh, that's quite cool. We are the polar opposites, I'm all down for that.

Chris 13:40

Yeah, but I was just you know when you just it's it's because I was a bit of passenger seat driver thinking, all right, may I just.

Paul 13:44

Oh, so you were you sat in the front or the back? I was in the back.

Chris 13:46

But I could see, I could see his speedometer and I was thinking, Crikey, mate.

Paul 13:50

What 130 kilometres per hour? Let me let me Google that.

Chris 13:52

I genuinely thought that the cars going, we were overtaken, were going slow, but they were going the speed limit. But I think in it in a foreign country, taxi drivers are different, aren't they?

Paul 13:59

They just go what is 130 kilometres per hour.

Chris 14:07

Oh, he's going about 80 hours.

Paul 14:08

He's only doing 80.

Chris 14:10

Wow, it felt a bit quicker than that. He's literally doing 80 miles per hour. I think it's because it's in kilometres that you think you're going even faster. But it doesn't matter psychological. He didn't feel like it'll go in 80. Because I know what 80 feels like.

Paul 14:21

Right.

Chris 14:22

Um, but I mean, fair play, he did get to the airport in in very quick time. So I'll give him that.

Paul 14:28

And he made 200 euros out of it.

Chris 14:30

And he made 200 euros out of us. So it's not a bad day's work for him, but um but it's always hard as well because try you I don't speak Italian. And and he didn't speak English very well.

Paul 14:42

Right, so why don't you just use a translator app on your phone? We should have done that.

Chris 14:46

But first of all, I I said, how much I said, how much taxi to airport? I do probably.

Paul 14:52

Why is it about British people that literally is that when you ask for the bill anyway? You go, have the bill, please.

Chris 14:57

But in spa in Spain, I could I could do a bit of Spanish. I can get a little bit, but Italian, I have no idea. Just use a translator. All I know is chow.

Paul 15:07

Chow, that's buying it.

Chris 15:09

Yeah. But like, but but why don't you just use a translator app on your phone? Didn't think I was panicked because I went, how much is a taxi to the airport? And he went and he went 1 3 0. I went, 130? He went, no, no, two, three, oh. I went. Oh right. Oh, okay. And I was just going back and forth about ten minutes of going, how much? Get two percent.

Paul 15:33

That's what I like about the translation. Right, you're living in 2026, right? Yeah. On your phone, you literally have a translator at. You type it in, what you want to say in English, you check, you click Italian, and then you press play, and then you just give it to him, and he goes, duh da, and then he can say it back to you, and then you translate it back to English. Probably should have done that. Yeah, that would be so much easier.

Chris 15:52

I'll know that if I want to go and visit Spain next week.

Paul 15:54

Yeah, because you're going on another three-week cruise. And Spain, is that where you're going next? Spain and France. Spain and France. Guess where I'm going? Where? Bogner. Yes. Mine Ed. Yeah. I sound really ungrateful, but I'm really not. Do you know what it is for me? I'm just a I'm jealous. It's the same roads, isn't it? It's not even that. I'm just jealous. I'll take the edge of it. But I love it.

Chris 16:11

I'll take the edge of it. I've seen the same ports again. Do you know what?

Paul 16:17

I generally I don't mean to sound ungrateful because I love my job and I love touring around the UK. I've got a busy back I'm going to Weymouth. Weymouth? Then I'm going from Weymouth, then I go to Stirling in Scotland. I'm going to London.

Chris 16:31

See, there's new roads that you're going to experience.

Paul 16:33

Yeah, where else am I going? I've got a busy back end of the year, I'm going to some places I've never even heard of. Ready? I'm going to wait for this. Hornchurch, that's in London. Is it? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, Weymouth. Uh where else am I going? Stirling. Ketterin. Where's Ketterin? Uh up north somewhere. Alright, and then Stirminister Newton.

Chris 16:56

I tell you what, you are busier than ever.

Paul 16:58

Alright.

Chris 16:59

Most most like singers, performers, comics, when they release their tour dates, they're like they do like a handful in the year. Even that's I I feel incredibly lucky. You should put a poster at the start of the year of going where you're gonna be.

Paul 17:12

No, that's what theanimalguides.com.uk, whatever the org.org tour dates websites for.

Chris 17:18

Perhaps you could do your own like personal one? No. No, because it's not me, is it?

Paul 17:22

I'm part of a team called the Animal Guides.

Chris 17:24

I mean burglars must love you.

Paul 17:25

Yeah, they do, yeah.

Chris 17:26

Exactly where you are.

Paul 17:27

Hey, it's weakening my house. Guess what's happened this week? What's happened? I have got my house cleaned by cleaning by Katie. So two years ago, maybe even three years ago, we she sponsored one of our adverts. She did, didn't she? And we gave her an advert and I said I'd get my house cleaned. It didn't happen for years.

Chris 17:46

So she gave she you gave you a house clean?

Paul 17:48

She gave finally gave my house clean after she texted me and called me out on it.

Chris 17:52

Uh so it's a little small business. Is it only a business that's local to you?

Paul 17:56

Well, it's not really that local anymore because she's leaving.

Chris 17:58

Oh, can you?

Paul 18:00

Can you say where she's going? I don't know where she's going.

Chris 18:02

Because we could have just promoted it then.

Paul 18:04

No, I don't think she's doing that. But she's leaving her job in my head and she's going, but I she messaged me and said, Do you want me to clean your house or what? I was like, yeah, I'd like you to. So she did it. She did a great job. My kitchen sink has never looked so clean.

Chris 18:17

Do you know what? I don't know what it is. I cannot do stuff like that. And I have to get somebody in to just do a week. I don't mind Ubering. I think it's because it's like mowing the lawn, innit? You can see when you've it looks like you've done something. Whereas if you're just doing the when you're just doing a few weeds, it's not the same as it.

Paul 18:34

Well, I ain't got lawn because I've got fake grass in my garden. Which is really controv controversial, really. Well it is, it's plastic, innit? Yeah, it's plastic and that's a story for every day, isn't it? You know what I mean? I've got bird feeders though. But anyway. Well there you go. And I brought two new bird feeders the other day.

Chris 18:50

Um I'd say what you are living your bears' life. I I I love my bird feeder. Have you got the bird app?

Paul 18:55

No, it's only because you've seen that on Jeremy Clark.

Chris 18:58

Yes, you've got to get the bird app, and then you can sit in your garden and then work out what birds are. When have I become this person? When you sit out in your garden and listen to the birds? I said that the other day. Did you?

Paul 19:08

I realised because I'm 40 soon. I'm 40 before you're 40. Yeah. But I realised I take such great pleasure from standing in my kitchen with a brew looking at my bird feeders.

Chris 19:20

You've so what are the things that you do now that you didn't do sort of 20 years ago? Like I always go, I always have a bit of a moan to myself when I get out of bed.

Paul 19:29

You moan a lot though. I do. Sometimes I do moan. You I I do sometimes feel you're turning into a miserable, grumpy old man.

Chris 19:36

I think it yeah.

Paul 19:37

You get very passionate about stuff.

Chris 19:39

I do, I do, and I don't know why. I don't know, you're right, I don't know why.

Paul 19:42

Just say no. Control the controllables.

Chris 19:44

Don't sweat the small stuff, guys.

Paul 19:45

Don't sweat the small. I feel like we're turned into a bit of a Ted's. Who are we? Who are we to say anything?

Chris 19:50

What's his name? Who's the guy that does the podcasts? The um got the Dragon's Den guy. What's his name?

Paul 19:56

Uh I don't know. Oh, um The Tall One. The tall one. Oh no, um what's he called? Diary of a CEO.

Chris 20:02

Yeah.

Paul 20:03

Whatever he's called.

Chris 20:04

Could have turned into this podcast, isn't it? Imagine that. Imagine I'd like to get I would like to do a serious podcast one day. We can't be serious. I think we can.

Paul 20:13

We can talk about top things like um, you know, mental health, men's mental health.

Chris 20:19

Stephen Bartlett. Stephen Bartlett. We cannot do serious. We can a little bit. Can we? I don't know.

Paul 20:26

I just think sometimes it's good to have a like show your softer side. We can do it anyway. Well, can sit and talk about the fact that the other day like we talk about stuff that the average person generally wouldn't talk about. Like the fact that the other night I was driving at I think two in the morning. Yeah. And really needed a wee. You love those country roads. But I really needed a wee. I was bosting and I was like, I've got to do it. But then I pulled up to a lay-by, it's all full of lorries, so I was like, can't stop here. So I had to carry on. I had to carry on for another nine miles. I was like bursting. And the fact that I pulled into the lay-by and then I went and stood at the side of the road. I was wearing white trainers. And that's never good. Right? And then I but bear in mind it's been it's been dry. I think I stood in cow poo. Did you? Because my trainers were then suddenly black and brown, and I'm and I I nearly never managed to get me my Todd hat in time. And then I weed, and then I'm looked down, and I've got my trainers I've covered in what I it smelt like cow poo. And I was just like, Really?

Chris 21:36

So this is what my life has come to. So this is so this is what this is what's happened at coming to the age of 40. Yeah, well, what that I can't control my blood. You can't control your blood, do you see? Do you get up in the middle of the night for a week? Uh sometimes. Depends if I'm a brewery.

Paul 21:50

Oh, but you're not a regular.

Chris 21:51

Not a regular, no. No. I've not got to that age yet. Have you?

Paul 21:55

Well, there's only like a year between us, but I do I I guarantee I do get up probably three, four nights a week for a week. Is that wrong for a 39-year-old? I think that's quite normal. Is it? Yeah, yeah.

Chris 22:08

If you if you were doing two to three times a night, perhaps you might want to go and check that out.

Paul 22:13

But my dad's like sixty-eight, sixty-nine, seventy. I think he only gets up once.

Chris 22:20

He's got a strong bladder then. That's good. I suppose. Unless you're not drinking enough. Anyway.

Paul 22:25

Anyway, so you you think no, we can't talk about serious. Subject. No, no, I'm not. We'd rather talk about any old guff. Yeah, I think so. We haven't said guff for ages. We made that our strap line when we started this. It's still in the title. It is still listening. Still in the title. Anyway, so I've had my house cleaned.

Chris 22:40

He's had his house cleaned. Well done. Well done.

Paul 22:43

What else have we got to talk about this week?

Chris 22:45

Oh, Star Listener. Who's our star listener this week?

Paul 22:49

So, Star Listener this week is normally we give it to like someone we don't know or friend of a friend. Yes. But I'm giving it to family this week. Oh, okay. Tell us more. My Auntie Ellie. Oh, lovely Auntie Ellie. We love Auntie Ellie, and the other night she listened to three back to back episodes. She didn't. Like she she was she fell a little bit behind and she felt really bad. So she took herself off to bed and she lay in bed and listened to three episodes back to back. But I'm not convinced she listened to back to back. I think she fell asleep, then woke up, forgot where she was.

Chris 23:25

We're very good at uh falling asleep too, probably.

Paul 23:28

Yeah, I always fall asleep listening to podcasts. Which is not especially if you're driving.

Chris 23:33

No, it's not handy.

Paul 23:34

Can you listen to a podcast late at night while you're driving?

Chris 23:36

Uh I can only do an hour. I do an hour and then I'll put music on.

Paul 23:41

Yeah.

Chris 23:42

Because I I can't do any more than that.

Paul 23:44

Because it makes me more tired.

Chris 23:46

Yes. Because it feels like I'm just having a conversation with somebody else.

Paul 23:50

So I listen to musicals when I get tired. But anyway, starlister this week on this episode is my Auntie Ellie.

Chris 23:56

Auntie Ellie, well done. Well done. Also, can we talk about can we I know we're not a football podcast, but can we just quickly briefly talk about the World Cup?

Paul 24:05

Uh we can talk about the World Cup, go for it.

Chris 24:07

At the time record, we have got through the quarterfinals.

Paul 24:11

We have.

Chris 24:12

Which I have to say was quite a slow game.

Paul 24:15

It was. Even the commentator said, I can imagine the nation is on the edge of their seats with boredom. That's what the guy said on ITV.

Chris 24:23

I love the commentary that we do in the UK.

Paul 24:26

Yeah.

Chris 24:27

Where I had to watch the game on the ship. So the commentary isn't as entertaining, shall we say?

Paul 24:37

Why, what what channel is it a different channel? It's a completely different channel. Oh is it? Yeah, completely different. So you're not getting BBC RTV when you're on the ship.

Chris 24:43

No, you don't get any adverts, you don't get any of the um the build-up. So it just starts. It just starts with the national anthems.

Paul 24:52

Oh, because they use sports twenty-four. Yes. Right, okay, yeah.

Chris 24:55

And I'm like, oh, but I like the build-up to it.

Paul 24:58

Well, when I was on the cruise ship shear one and I was watching the F1, we missed all the build-up and then literally goes lights out, starts. Starts. And then as soon as the winner goes across the the uh finishing line, finish. That's it.

Chris 25:10

Straight it it just finishes. So you're missed out. Yes, we missed out on that, but what I did but what I did like was the fact that we're through to the semi-finals.

Paul 25:18

We are through to the semi-finals. Where are you gonna be for the semi-finals?

Chris 25:22

I'm gonna be in the UK. So it's over here. Yeah, so I'm I'm at home. And then on if we get through to the final, where are you? I'm back on the ship. But I'm in English time. Oh, so that's alright then. This was the problem I had when we played in uh before the quarterfinals. You know when we had to play at like silly o'clock in the morning?

Paul 25:39

Oh, it's a 2am start, yeah. But it was a 1am, then it got delayed to 2am. Yes.

Chris 25:43

But in your time It was 3am, because I was an hour ahead.

Paul 25:47

So then you didn't go to bed till 4 to 6 in the morning? It was about that. Well and then you had to get up and do a show.

Chris 25:54

Yeah.

Paul 25:54

Oh, tough that.

Chris 25:55

Yeah, that wasn't that tough. What I had to it was tough, actually.

Paul 25:58

I am so I am devastated.

Chris 26:00

I was very tired. But what I did do is that I fell asleep, like many prob many people did, and I woke up about 30 minutes into the first half, and then I started watching it.

Paul 26:09

What so you didn't even start watching the whole game?

Chris 26:10

No, I didn't watch the whole game. I missed the bit where we got a player sent off because I went, Oh, did we have a player sent off? And I fell asleep in that bit by seeing the goals. So I've not even got to.

Paul 26:20

What we did, what we did, I would have watched it with our friend Mitch, but he we got to the venue, we were watching it at ten o'clock. Bear in mind it didn't kick off till one, so we'd already be stood there three hours. Then it got delayed till two. Tough game. So then we were standing till two, and then it didn't finish. I got into bed at five, but Mitch was like, get a seat. I was like, no, because if I sit down, I am falling asleep. So I stood up for seven hours on my feet. And I didn't drink either.

Chris 26:51

It was a good game, though. It was a good game, it was a very good game, and then it was and then the and then the quarterfinal was the polar opposite, where it's very, very slow.

Paul 26:58

Yeah, I think two star players, Kane and Bellingham. We're not a sports podcast, but anyway, we do need to talk about the World Cup.

Chris 27:03

And do you know what? We will talk about the uh we have to talk about the World Cup um and also uh people watching the World Cup, but we'll save that for what gets in your turts because I've got a few that I noticed that how people react to.

Paul 27:17

A few passionate ones as well. Passionate ones. Passionate ones. What's next on the old list? Um, can I talk about uh the delivery this week? Go on. Right, this is well embarrassing. So the other day I was actually at home for one night, um, and then the doorbell rang at like nine o'clock in the morning. But because it's been really hot, I've not one been getting into bed, I've been lying on top of the bed. I have to, I have to. And two, I was in my birthday suit.

Chris 27:43

Oh.

Paul 27:44

So I was starkers. I was starkers. Anyway, I was dozing in and out of sleep. I was napping, um, and then the doorbell rang. So I went down the stairs. At every point I was naked. Just remember this bit, I was naked.

Chris 28:00

Yeah, you said it twice.

Paul 28:01

Yeah, but then I forgot I was naked. Three times. Yeah, I forgot I was naked until I got halfway down the stairs. Bear in mind my window was open, so the blinds were up, and then I went, Oh, I'm naked. But then I didn't want to leave the postman at the door for much longer, so I just grabbed the pillow off the um sofa, put it over the old private parts, and then opened the door. And he looked at me and went, You're right. I was like, Yeah, I forgot I was naked.

Chris 28:28

Um, he was like, Oh, uh He he he's gonna think you're like just like a naturist.

Paul 28:34

What a nudist? A nudist. No, um, and then he went, I went, Oh, I'm uh I'm so sorry. And he was like, No worries. Uh and then he gave me the parcels, but I knew I was missing a parcel because I've ordered some stuff that come in like two boxes, but he handed me one, I was like, Oh, I think there's another one there. And he went, No, I don't think there is. I was like, Well, there should be that. And then he went, Oh, it might be in the van. Let me go and have a look. And then he just stared at me while I'm still stood naked with a pillow over me privates, and then I went, I'm gonna he went, Yeah, just go away, mate, and just uh I'll leave it on the doorstep. I was like, Thanks, mate. Cheers. That's really impact. But then I then go to walk up the stairs, but then I realised that my pillow was only covering my front side, so as I went up the stairs, my old backside was hanging out.

Chris 29:16

So we had a good full view of you. Yeah, he saw me. Yeah, I've seen him before. To be honest, I bet but that happens all the time, doesn't it? You think? Yeah, it's gotta. Delivery drivers, postmen, you know. Yeah. They must see some sites. But I just how we're gonna do it. Do we have any people that work that work for delivery firms or post people?

Paul 29:34

Uh I don't know anybody that works in. Do you know what I do realise in my ned, and I know people in my ned listen to this.

Chris 29:39

Very small town.

Paul 29:40

Very small town. A lot of people that worked at Tesco's now are postmen. Are they? Yeah, I don't know why. I noticed it the other day because someone came on my ring doorbell. I noticed a girl that was delivering my letters. I was like, I'm sure she's served at Tesco's. She's delivering shopping. Yeah, so anyway, but no. So yeah, I got naked for the postman.

Chris 29:58

Well, they I really want to see what uh what the Spotify title is for that. Do you know what?

Paul 30:04

If I go on my ring doorbell and look back at that date, I might be able to see his reaction to seeing me priceless.

Chris 30:13

See if you can find it. Oh, that'd be quite and drop it on our socials.

Paul 30:16

I will drop it on the socials. But yeah, I had a bad experience with a postman.

Chris 30:20

Has anybody ever done that?

Paul 30:22

What?

Chris 30:22

Answer the door naked. I haven't. I've never done it. I've been I've been on the loo when when the doorbell goes.

Paul 30:30

What for a number one or a number two?

Chris 30:32

Number two.

Paul 30:33

Right.

Chris 30:33

And you have to quickly run down and go, yep, just leave it there. Really? Yeah.

Paul 30:38

Alright. No, I just never done that? No. But then ring doorbells, they're a thing though, aren't they? So really you could just get your phone out and go, hello, I'm on the most recently.

Chris 30:48

I've just gone I've just gone onto my ring doorbell and just gone. Can you just leave it outside the front, please?

Paul 30:53

Yeah. There you go. What you what you've got in your notes, Barcelona food market.

Chris 30:57

But yeah, brief uh briefly, Barcelona food markets.

Paul 31:01

We know you've been abroad.

Chris 31:03

It was lovely though. It's the best food market I think I've ever been to. Really? It was all very well laid out. Nice. Um there's lots of you could you could get anything and everything. And I mean everything.

Paul 31:16

You know the biggest food market I go to? Co-op. Gloucester services. Do you know what? I have got something to tell you about Gloucester Services. Yeah. Yeah, you'll be proud of me. Go on. But carry on about Barcelona.

Chris 31:27

Uh so but but yeah, went into the there's there's the butchers, yeah, and they sell every part of the animal. Everything. They sell everything.

Paul 31:35

I'm not sure how I feel about it.

Chris 31:36

But it was a bit I walked past it. I went even for me.

Paul 31:39

Are you talking about like, you know, genitals?

Chris 31:42

There was probably that.

Paul 31:42

An ear.

Chris 31:43

The head.

Paul 31:44

An eyeball. Everything.

Chris 31:46

Really? Even the fish as well. But it said on there, it said you couldn't take any videos or photos of it.

Paul 31:51

Yeah, I can imagine. Is that because they don't we really want to go through it?

Chris 31:55

But it's but it's locally sourced food. So they don't. So they don't waste anything to do.

Paul 32:01

So you know what? This is a really controversial conversation to have because we like my mum doesn't eat a certain meat because you don't like the taste of it.

Chris 32:13

That's fair enough. But rabbit.

Paul 32:17

We nearly killed a rabbit the other night driving. It was a baby rabbit as well. The van missed it. I missed it. And we saw it and it ran off. Thank God. That's not relevant to anything, but you just made me think of that little baby rabbit.

Chris 32:31

I think I saw rabbit being sold in the butchers. No.

Paul 32:34

Yes. But do you not find it weird when you go to different countries and what their like traditions are and stuff like that that you go, I find that a bit weird.

Chris 32:42

I found it weird that seeing yellow chickens, but then I realised that they get yellow chickens. Yeah, like proper yellow chickens.

Paul 32:48

What do they get fed?

Chris 32:49

A fit of corn. I think it's the yellow corn-fed chickens, but it's protein-based.

Paul 32:54

Yeah. So it fattens them up.

Chris 32:55

But they're very it's yellow. It's yellow, and you think, what's wrong with it? So uh but no, uh apart from the meat, it was it was lovely. It was you just walk round, there's olives being sold.

Paul 33:06

Are you going back to Barcelona at any point for the rest of the year? Yeah, I'll go back there. Oh, of course you are. Yeah, go back there. Of course you are.

Chris 33:11

Might even treat myself to to like some olive oil.

Siri 33:14

Could you try again?

Paul 33:16

Oh, you're watching this time. Yes.

Chris 33:18

Seriously, uh you go back to Barcelona. So Barcelona was very nice. I would I'd if I was to go there again, I'd want to stay there for a few more days, just because just a few hours wasn't.

Paul 33:27

You don't get a say in that matter because you work on a cruise show. So there we go. Right, can I talk to you about Gloucester Services?

Chris 33:33

Yes, we can talk about Gloucester services.

Paul 33:35

I may have to retract my feelings towards Gloucester services. Come on, reveal more. Right, so now on our journeys, because we tour around the UK, we're currently on the summer buttons run. Um we have now planned our stops. What around Gloucester Services? Well no, so what we do now, so if we're going from Minehead to Skegnes, we stop, we will always stop for a wee break and a tea break at Leicester Services. Never been. That's good services, they've got Starbucks, but we normally get there at two in the morning, so it's only the shop that's open. But now we've planned our journey from Skegness back to Minehead. Yes. And guess what? What? We stop at Gloucester Services.

Chris 34:15

See, I told you you would like it there.

Paul 34:18

It's only the petrol station. Yeah. But we stop at Gloucester Services and we get ourselves a little cup of tea. And the other night I had an onion barge at two in the morning. Well, there you go. Very nice. Very nice. So I think we should wrap that up. Do you think? Yeah, because we can announce that on we're doing another episode straight after this one, ready to come out later, and it's dedicated to what gets on your tuts.

Chris 34:40

Well, should we do one quick what gets on your toots? Okay, we'll just do one.

Paul 34:43

Do a quick one. Do we do one uh Can we talk about what's just happened in the room we're in? We can do. Yeah, Mrs. M, your your current Mrs. What your current wife. Current wife, current wife, Mrs. M. She's just walked in. She's just walked in. She doesn't even listen to our podcast. Do you listen to the podcast?

Siri 34:58

No. No?

Paul 34:59

No, she says no. She doesn't. She don't want to know half the stuff we talk about. Well then do a what get do one what gets on your talk.

Chris 35:06

Do one gets uh what gets on your talk.

Paul 35:08

Do that one because we just spoke about it.

Chris 35:10

What this one here?

Paul 35:11

Yeah, that one.

Chris 35:12

Okay, uh, so this is a bit political.

Paul 35:14

It's not really political.

Chris 35:15

Uh uh Trump get involved with FIFA and revoking the red card rules.

Paul 35:21

So if you don't know what's happened, uh during the World Cup, an American player got sent off uh for an offence on the pitch, and then 24 hours later Donald Trump called the FIFA and said, I think you should re-look at it, and they revoked well they didn't revoke it, they suspended the red card, which means it could be put into place later on. But should Trump have got involved? No. I would say no.

Chris 35:45

I would say no. He's a just just le just get on with your job of just running the content.

Paul 35:50

You don't realise how much of an impact Donald Trump's having on our I used to have a Donald Trump gag in the show. Yeah, but I don't do it anymore.

Chris 35:57

Well, because did he did he ring you up and say very offended about that?

Paul 36:00

No, he didn't ring me up. It's just that now he's like getting involved in everything in a negative way, which he is anyway, but I don't think we England have had a player sent off. He has been suspended for two games. Yeah. So Keir Starmer's not ringing up FIFA, saying can he revoke it?

Chris 36:15

So why does Donald Trump get involved? Well, he's not there anymore, is he? Anyway, this is a very, very political, I just think why should Trump get involved in the World Cup? I absolutely totally agree. Uh, thanks to thanks to Nina uh there for sending uh she's from Rat uh rants and big pants. Yeah, big fat firm favourite of the pod. Uh so uh yeah, next episode, very exciting. It's very special what gets on your tutz. We've got loads to get through, so we thought we'd just combine them all into one episode.

Paul 36:43

Yes, we'll just do a whole segment of what gets on your tut.

Chris 36:46

Yes, and if you want to send in your tutz, then you can at the Post Pavilion Podcast. On all the socials. On all the socials. But have a good week.

Paul 36:54

And you have a good few weeks. Uh enjoy your cruising. And we'll no doubt we'll Can we just clarify where you've been this week? Uh I've been to France.

Chris 37:02

Yeah. Spain. Yeah. I went past Portugal.

Paul 37:04

Yeah.

Chris 37:05

Italy. Great. On that note, have a great week, and we'll see you again soon.

Paul 37:09

I'm off it back in the van.