The Post Pavilion Podcast
Two best mates, a couple of microphones and absolutely no plan. Join Chris Morley and Paul Gilbert as they chat about everyday life, how they became friends, things that amuse them far more than they probably should, and a fair amount of pointless guff (who even uses that word?). Along the way there’s regular features like What Gets on Your Tuts, Chris v Paul, and whatever else seems like a good idea at the time. New episodes drop every other Friday. For updates, follow us on Facebook & Instagram @postpavilionpodcast.
The Post Pavilion Podcast
Two Countries Apart
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Two cruise ships and one very unreliable Wi-Fi connection!
Join us for a hilarious episode packed with cruise ship stories, life on the road, awkward lifts, buffet behaviour and another round up of "What Gets On Your Tuts"
Thanks for listening and do not forget to like, subscribe and share with your mates. You can get in touch with your questions, shoutouts, TUTS of the week, postpavilionpodcast@gmail.com or check us out on Facebook and Instagram @postpavilionpodcast for all your pod updates
Welcome to the Post Pavilion Podcast. Two mates, a couple of microphones, and absolutely no plan. We chat everyday life, how we became friends, and things that amuse us far more than anything probably should. And tell you what, there's a lot of pointless guff on the way. Listen back to previous episodes to find out what the true meaning of guff is. Welcome to the Post Pavilion Podcast.
ChrisWant to look like a proper chef, even if your signature dish is beans on toast, introducing the chef's hat, the ultimate finishing touch for any kitchen legend. It's stylish, it's professional, and most importantly, it hides the evidence of your last cooking disaster. Chef's hat. Look the part, cook the part, or just pretend. Welcome to the Post Pavilion Podcast with me, Chris Morley. And me, Paul Gilbert. Well, here we are on a it's a very very special episode today, isn't it?
PaulIt is very special. Uh we'll let you into a little secret. Um currently uh we are both on separate cruise ships.
ChrisAnd we're not quite sure how the Wi-Fi is going to be in this episode, so just bear with us.
PaulYeah, and we need to explain. Since the last episode, we you were on a cruise ship. Yeah. And I was touring around the UK. But it's all changed because I have been drafted in from land to sea, and I am now on a cruise ship. Unfortunately, it's not the same cruise ship as you.
ChrisNo, because you're on uh you're on the sister ship of PO cruises, right?
PaulI am indeed. I'm going round the Norwegian fjords, and you're going where?
ChrisI I'm going around Spain, uh, Spain and France, in the and the 30-degree heat of being in Barcelona today, and it's been boiling.
PaulOh, well, you're lucky. It's freezing in Norway.
ChrisIs it? What are you like over there?
PaulYeah. It's so cold, it's unreal.
ChrisOh, it's lovely. You were honestly, it if I'm honest with you, it's actually too hot. It's too hot.
PaulWhy are you being that person that's moaning about the temperature?
ChrisI look, you you know me, I love the temperature, but today in particular is very, very warm. Bit too hot. Way too hot.
PaulOh, right. Well, actually, um, it's hotter currently in my cabin than it is outside. Is it really? Yes, I'm sweating.
ChrisWell, good news is though, you're coming over to France and Spain next week.
PaulI am indeed. So you're staying you're only on your ship for a week, and I'm on this ship for two weeks.
ChrisYeah. And how are you finding it?
PaulDo you know what? I'm having a wonderful time. What is nice is that I am not travelling up and down the M1, M42, M6, A303, bed, fast asleep, and I wake up in a different location every day.
ChrisWell, you slowly cut out there, so you're just naming out motorway services, motorway roads then.
PaulRight, then let's set the scene. If I do cut out, it is completely Wi-Fi. This we don't know how this episode's gonna go because we're both on separate ships and um on Wi-Fi that's quite unreliable. Um anyway, do you know what's mad?
ChrisYou can put man on the moon, can't you? But to get decent Wi-Fi anywhere is impossible, isn't it?
PaulWell, I thought that earlier on because I was out in uh we went for a little walk. I'm currently in Olden in Norway, and I've been trying to download a Wii transfer file.
ChrisYeah.
PaulAnd I've been trying to do it on the ship Wi-Fi, and when I went to download the Wii transfer, it said nine and a half hours. Well, I mean you've got a bit of time on your hands over the next few days. I have, but then I went off ship, I put my 5G on, and it downloaded in 24 seconds. Oh, it's incredible, isn't it?
ChrisYeah, and it's yeah. Do you know what I did find in Alden where because that's where you are at the moment, isn't it? In Alden, in Norway. I could stand up on the top of a mountain, there's nothing to there's just views everywhere, nothing there, but I had better signal at the top of there than I do down the road where I live. Mad, isn't it?
PaulIt's crazy, isn't it? I I've I've said this story before when I was in Mexico and I was jet skiing two miles from land and um I had 5G and I FaceTime my parents in Cornwall in a place where there is no signal.
ChrisIt's terrible, awful. But anyway, we're here, we're here, we're here to record an episode, aren't we? So that's exciting.
PaulYes, we are. We don't know how it's gonna go, but and actually, I'm I feel very unprepared for this one. Not gonna lie. Oh, I feel more prepared than anyone. Do you?
ChrisYeah.
PaulWell, go on then. Why don't you leave the episode? Talk us through. How's your week been?
ChrisUh, week's been very good. Uh so I had to fly into the ship uh this week, never done it before, so I had to go uh fly, I had to go from Bournemouth via Gatwick to Alakante all across two days. And that really yeah, that so which was lovely. Uh caught about 50 trains. Uh the plane journey was fine, and I got here, no problem. Um, but it was just it's just it's just trying to get to places where you have no idea where you're going. Do you know what I mean? But didn't you didn't you have a flight at like six in the morning? It was yeah, so I was up at 3 a.m. Uh and there are you watching what are you wrestling there?
PaulNothing. Oh, sorry. Don't pick it up. Sorry, I'm fidgeting, I'm fidgeting. So sorry. Sorry, can I can I just like I just need to express something? Go on. So this is the first podcast where we're both on separate cruise ships, we're not together, I'm not on land and you're at sea, whatever. And also, this is the one episode where we're not actually looking at each other on like FaceTime or anything like that.
ChrisYeah.
PaulCurrently, I'm sat staring at myself in a mirror.
ChrisIt's so weird, isn't it? I am I am because we've both got the same sort of rooms because they're like for like, and I am literally staring at myself in the mirror and thinking, oh, did I look tanned?
PaulIt's yeah, but and I just look hot and sweaty because I'm in the hottest cabin you could possibly imagine. And actually, another another member of the animal guys is lay on the bed next to me reading a book.
ChrisYou do know you've got air conditioning in the in the uh in the rooms.
PaulYeah, we have got air conditioning, but I didn't want to put it on like fully in case it like you could hear the air conditioning.
ChrisYeah, well, that's funny you should say that because I've turned mine off, but I think there's something whirling in the background. But I don't know if you can pick it up. I don't know if you can hear it my end. Can you hear it? Can you hear that?
PaulWell I've I've turned mine off because I could hear a whirring and then it's not ours, so it's definitely you.
ChrisIt's definitely well I turned it off and it's still whirling.
PaulSo Oh, well there you go. That's what it's probably. Sorry, so sorry, I've just I'm just I feel I feel uncomfortable because I'm just sat here looking at myself in the mirror trying to record a podcast. This this is I can't this is just weird.
ChrisYeah, but you yeah, but you look great. So it's fine.
PaulHow do you know you can't see me?
ChrisWell what we'll do is we'll do we'll both take a picture of where we are right now and then we'll put it on our socials uh uh uh on on Instagram. Easy as that.
PaulYes, I will do that. I will do that. So anyway, you had to get a flight to your ship.
ChrisSo yeah, I had to get a flight to the ship, uh, so that was all okay. Um and you forget that everybody goes on holiday, don't they? And there's lots of kids on the plane, which I don't mind. I don't mind. It's absolutely fine, because I've got I've got children myself, uh, but when you haven't got your children with you, it's when someone else's child is screaming, it's a lot, isn't it? And you go, Oh, can you?
PaulYeah, I I couldn't cope with that.
ChrisUh you know, but then at the same time I was going, uh, you know, they must have had a hell of a day because they've both been up at the same time as I have. It's early start, kids are tired, excited, all of the above.
PaulUm, but there is But didn't didn't you have a six didn't you have a 6 a.m. flight to Spain?
ChrisYeah, it was very early. Very early. Funny story about that though. Let's talk about that. Go on then. Yeah, because uh the night before that we got an Uber uh and a big hello to Tracy, by the way, who was our Uber driver to get us from uh the train station to the hotel. And I said, you know, did the whole classic thing when you get into a taxi, hey uh how's your shift going? What time do you finish? Blah de blah de blah. And she was like, Well, actually, I've only just started your my first pickup. I said, Well, uh, I said you're not free around 4am, are you, to do a to do a uh a pickup? And she went, funny enough, actually, yeah, I am. Do you want me to pick you up? I went, Yeah, absolutely. And I thought, let's be honest, she's not gonna come and pick us up, is she? She's just hearing that to be nice. I gave her a positive review, she's not gonna come. Anyway, turns out 4am, Saturday morning, turns up right at the hotel. Booked it, straight there. What a great thing. Yeah, but that's old school taxi.
PaulYeah, yeah, but that's prime time taxi, isn't it? On a s on a on a Saturday night, people are getting out from clubs and pubs and stuff like that. So that's where the money's gonna be made. So I know, but I didn't. Yeah, no, so I get that. And then fair play to her.
ChrisAnd then she said, she said, I said, how's your night, bitch? She went, well, if I'm honest with you, after I drop you guys off, uh, I went back to bed and she got up and came and picked us up. So that was nice of her.
PaulNo, yeah.
ChrisAnd I just thought that's a nice old school taxi in and putting trust in the taxi driver. So thank you for that. Thank you for the trip.
PaulWell, I was I was really lucky um the night before I got on this cruise because I was actually doing an animal guy show in Bogna Regis, uh, and then I just had a nice little 40-minute drive to a hotel, and then I got straight on the ship. So no flying out for me. I get to go back to Southampton um where you had to fly out, then you come back to Southampton. So no flying for me. I'm happy about that.
ChrisNo where you could just roll out of bed from your cabin, in your car, home, done.
PaulOh, I can't I can't wait. I can't wait. I've still got another a week and a half left on this ship. So um, yeah, so I'm off to Spain next week. I'm excited about going to Spain.
ChrisHave you got your cream coloured hot pants?
PaulYes. Cream-coloured hot pants.
ChrisYour shorts.
PaulI have got my shorts actually. I have got my shorts. I'm excited to go for Spain for a drive.
ChrisYou're gonna need them. You're gonna need them.
PaulAnything for a bit of temperature, that's all I want. Just a bit of sun, I can put my contact lenses in, put my sunny's on, and like pretend I'm on holiday.
ChrisYou will absolutely love it. As soon as you get out.
PaulCan I can I can I discuss something with you though? Go on. Working on a cruise ship as a guest entertainer. It's not work.
ChrisIt isn't, is it, let's be honest. It really isn't.
PaulUm because I've done so I got on on Saturday, I did the show on Sunday, we did two shows Sunday, we did a little game show on Monday, and we've just done an art class. That's it. I've worked like four hours in four days.
ChrisYou've actually done more than I have. I've been it I've been I've been here since Saturday, and I've literally done an hour and a half's work. And it's Tuesday now.
PaulBut I just don't get it when people say I'm having a really hard time working on a cruise ship as a guest entertainer. It's like what you don't do anything.
ChrisSo you know what? I think that's the problem. I think it's because you've got you're on for a week, and actually when you're on a cruise ship, there's a lot to just you're just sitting around waiting to for the next time you go to work, or there's only so many times you can go up to the buffet or you go go and explore, especially if you've been to the same ports quite regularly. Um it can get to the point where going, oh I need to try and utilise my time better. But although, having said that, it's been lovely just to switch off and not actually do anything.
PaulSo can we talk about something that we could both relate to though?
ChrisGo on.
PaulWhy are lifts on cruise ships really awkward?
ChrisOh, it's because they're so small.
PaulThat's why. Yeah, but I just don't get why people make it awkward. It's like you're getting a lift and no one says anything.
ChrisWell, it's what are you the type of person that will drop in a conversation?
PaulYeah, it's more sarcasm than anything else.
ChrisSee, I've noticed as well, is the older people and they'll go, you'll get in there, and uh they'll go, warm out there today, isn't it? And that's the start of the conversation. You're like, yeah, yeah. Or it'll be, oh, we can squeeze a few more in. You go, no, mate.
PaulOh no, we we we had that earlier on. We went to get in the lift to go down to uh the club room uh where we would do our art class, and there was like six people in there, maybe. Yeah. And then but they'd all spread it out, and then I was like, nah, let's get in. One bloke's face, he was fuming that four more people got in that lift, even though there's a sign that says 17 people can go in the lift.
ChrisThere's no way 17 people can get that lift, they're very small, really small.
PaulYeah, I know, but like it's just everybody makes it so awkward on there, and then you have to do the awkward what floor you're going to, yeah, and then you've got to press a button, and everybody just like no one seems to know lift etiquette. Do you know what I mean?
ChrisThey don't. Do you know what I always say is if somebody asks me what number I'm going to, I go off say floor 13. And do you know what's that why that's funny? Because there is no floor 13, but it probably throws people. Like, where's 13 on the lift?
PaulIt does, doesn't it? It does, doesn't it? Isn't that weird that on a cruise ship that there is no deck 13 because it's considered to be unlucky?
ChrisWell it makes sense, I guess. You wouldn't no nobody would stay on that level, would they? Let's be honest.
PaulBut that's not a thing. That's only a thing if you're superstitious.
ChrisAre you superstitious?
PaulUh no, not one bit.
ChrisSee, I I the only thing I'm superstitious about is the drains. And that's where you have to you know, when you walk over uh three drains, it's bad luck, or two drains, it's good luck. So it's that way or the other way. I can't remember which way around it is. Anyway, that's not important.
PaulThe important thing is Yeah, but yeah, but it's it uh but Chris, it's not a thing.
ChrisWhich is there nothing you're not superstitious on anything?
PaulEr no, not really.
ChrisNo.
PaulI do believe like I do I do believe that like the solar system affects the moon. So like if it's a if it's a an orange moon, then it can mean this, and then if it's a full moon, it could mean that, and stuff like that. I've learnt that over the past few months. But you've been to the moon. I haven't been to the moon. You're right. I'm just saying like how no, I didn't mean like I'm into the moon. I just I've started understanding no listen, I've started understanding the that some of the the uh the how the moon d takes the atmosphere and everything like that. Oh so but I wouldn't call that superstition.
ChrisOh, you're just you you're just into the moon.
PaulYeah, I do uh I can and I I could appreciate a good moon and a good sunrise and a good sunset.
ChrisOh well you would have liked it the other night. I saw a good thunderstorm, uh, and it had the moon. Did it? Yeah, it was well good. Honestly, it was like a it was like its very own lighting show, but there was no thunder and there was the moon just to the right hand side of me, and it was it was magnificent, but no rain, nothing, just a light show in the sky.
PaulAnd where were you at this point?
ChrisI was sailing around somewhere in the Mediterranean Ocean, watching it outside, it was lovely.
PaulIt sounds so posh when you say it like that.
ChrisI'm gonna start calling you Patrick Moore. Do you remember him?
PaulWho's Patrick Moore? Who's Patrick Moore?
ChrisSir Patrick Moore, he was an English astronomer I can't even say the word. Astron astronomer.
PaulAstronomer?
ChrisYeah. He was very famous. I've a Google. Sir Patrick Moore.
PaulPatrick Moore.
ChrisYeah.
PaulWell, I can't Google it right now because I've only got one Wi-Fi code and I've got no access to my phone or anything.
ChrisWell, he was he he he'd been on the BBC for years.
PaulHe was No, I'm not saying I'd go down the route of like I'm into astronomy, but I'm just saying that I I I understand like uh I I I appreciate and I'm really interested in what the moon does for the weather and the solar system and everything like that. And I I appreciate a good moon and a good sunrise and a good sunset.
ChrisThank you, Patrick. No more questions.
PaulUh do you know what? Do you know what? I don't have many things in my life, right, that I'm that that I I find beautiful, but I I really I I love a good sunrise, sunset, and a good moon. Right, listen, leave leave right. I I liked I like a good sunset, I like a good moon, and as I've just said, but you know, I just I'm really interested in it.
ChrisLook, we're all into the moon, it's all okay.
PaulThat's one of the upsides of being on a um on a cruise ship is that like currently in Norway when we're going through the fjords and everything, it just looks beautiful, the sunset and everything like that.
ChrisIs it getting dark early over your way? Because I remember last year it didn't get dark for ages.
PaulNo, it doesn't get dark till late, which is nice. Lovely, isn't it? Very nice. But even though the one thing I have learnt on a cruise ship, because we're in a cabin with no windows, we don't know what time of day it is. That is the problem.
ChrisThat is the only I have to set an alarm because otherwise I would be asleep all day. Easy.
PaulWell, yeah, we I we I woke up this morning about half I woke up early, um, and then I looked at my phone, it was only like 20 past seven in the morning. I was like, what? So I went back to sleep. But even though I'd already had eight hours sleep, I felt like I needed two more.
ChrisSo yeah, see, I I think as well, uh, because you miss the hour, because every time you get on on a Saturday, you then have to put your clocks forward, don't you? So you kind of get that hour back on a Saturday morning for a bit, and then and then it changes the clocks again on the Sunday, isn't it?
PaulYeah, no. So yeah, so yeah, that's just it's yeah, having having a room with no windows or like nothing. Nothing there's not even a clock in here. You don't even know what time of day it is. You always have to look at your phone, and because I've got glasses and because I'm blind, I've having this thing at the minute as well, where I keep falling asleep with my glasses on, and then I wake up in the morning and I don't know where my glasses are.
ChrisI've done that. I've done that with me where the headphones put my headphones in to go to sleep, maybe um airpods, and I have no idea where they are in the morning, let's be honest. Um, it's a bit like that, me being at home. I I do that when I'm at home, I never know where they are.
PaulSpending half of the Yeah, well, this morning I had to ask Mitch who I'm showing with. I had to ask him uh where my glasses were, and then we we both got our torches on, and he's blind as well, but he's a bit he's a bit better sighted than I am, and then he spotted him and I had to put him on. Just like but anyway, but anyway, so so that's that's a bit from cruise ship.
ChrisWe established that exactly having a lovely, lovely week. So um, and and normal service will resume uh after we come off the ship, because we've only got a few more weeks to go, haven't we?
PaulUh yes, yes. By the time we do the next one, I'll be off the ship and we'll have to do one then. Do you know what I mean?
ChrisAnd what's very exciting is that me and you are back together again on stage in a few weeks.
PaulOh, yes, we are. Early September. Yes. Early September, we're doing the midweek buttlings run. We are. It's um me, you and little Michael. Little Michael are going to be presenting the shows at Butlins.
ChrisSo that's exciting. Yeah, I look forward to that.
PaulDo you know what's exciting about that as well? Is we're we're doing the show at Minehead, Butlins Minehead. And what's amazing about that is that we all three of us that are presenting the show that day, uh, we were all red coats at Minehead as well. They didn't I didn't think of that.
ChrisThat'd be a nice one.
PaulDid I think of that? No, no, I'm definitely gonna tell the audience, I'm gonna tell the audience as well, because it's a special moment. It is a very special moment. By that point, I would have known I would have learnt my script. So well, yeah, between the pair of you, it'll be Michael, it'll be Michael's first time presenting for the Animal Guys a full show. Yeah. Uh you haven't done the show in since May. Yeah. And I know what I'm doing. So between the three of between you two, I hope you two know what you're doing.
ChrisI've well, I've gone through the lines today and it's there. It just needs a bit of polishing up. So we can we we'll get we'll get through it easy. Maybe that maybe that's the week we can record together. That's a great idea.
PaulWe can do that. Yeah. So the next episode exclusive, we're gonna be physically together, not on a cruise ship, not over Wi-Fi, nothing.
ChrisWe'll be on the same room and we can have a chat then, can't we? Sounds like a good plan.
PaulYeah, properly. So, but yeah, so I think as it is a cruise ship episode, maybe we should move swiftly on and do what gets on your toots.
ChrisGood idea. We've got quite a few that have been sent in as well over the last few weeks. So thanks again to everybody that has sent them in. Uh, we love voice notes as well, uh, so please send them in to us on our Instagram and Facebook page at Post Pavilion Podcast, if you don't already follow. Right, first one uh is actually first one is a voice note, and it's from a good friend from a good friend of ours, uh star of Stage and Screen and uh and pantomimes, uh, is Michael Batchelor. Uh and his this is his voice note. Let's take a listen.
Michael BatchelorWhat really gets on my tat is when you hold a door open for somebody and they walk straight through and they don't even as much say thank you or even acknowledge that you exist. It really winds me up.
ChrisThank you very much, Michael Batchelor. That's very good. So that was good. That's a good one, wasn't it? Uh so what do you think? When you hold the door for someone for you and they don't acknowledge you, I completely agree with them on this one. I'm I'm not that And you know what?
PaulYeah, I I agree with them as well, and there's two there's Two elements of it where you can how you act after that happens, you can either um just like think rude and move on, or you can I would personally make a sarcastic comment.
ChrisWould you oh would you do that?
PaulOh hundred percent.
ChrisSee, I don't I'm too t I'm too uh I'm too nice. I I just go, if somebody doesn't hold the door for me, it doesn't, it's not the end of the world. I'll just I'll just crack on and I'll just go on. They weren't very nice, but it is annoying though.
PaulNo, no, it's one of those where if you hold the door for someone and they just walk straight in and don't say thank you, then I would say something along the lines of it's not a problem that I held the door over for you open for you. Anyway, see you later. Or I would go rude under my breath.
ChrisWould you do it loud enough so they can actually hear?
PaulUh yeah.
ChrisYeah. Okay.
PaulWell, funny story, the other week, um I'm not naming any names or anything, but there was somebody uh I was in a backstage area, and um somebody of um uh of in that were maybe in a position, shall we say? Oh um like senior management. Yeah, maybe. Um I'm not naming names, but they they obviously know who I am, they know who we are, as the animal guys, whatever, whatever, and they just walk past us and never said hello. See, but were they but were they in work? No, no. No, it doesn't matter. M manners cost nothing. So they walked past me and didn't say hello, how are you, how have you been? They just walked past and then I just went, Well, aren't you a polite person?
ChrisOh you said it.
PaulYeah, dumbright I said it. Oh my goodness. Wow. I just I just think in this day and age, manners cost nothing, and I was brought up, not dragged up. So I believe if somebody makes eye contact with you, or you hold the door open for someone, or you let them go through the door first, or in a lift you hold the door for them so they don't the doors don't close on them or anything like that. I do believe it's only right to be polite and say thank you.
ChrisI think you go, not a problem at all. I think that's fair enough.
PaulThat's a good one. Yeah. That's exact that's exactly like, right? Picture this. We are in the same place, let's say. Yeah. And you know who I am, I know who you are, and then basically we walk through a shopping centre and we just walk past each other and don't acknowledge each other. Oh, I've done that once though.
ChrisI have done that once. Oh, to a to a mutual friend of ours. Right. I saw them. I they won't be listening, they don't listen to the podcast. But I saw them, and I've not seen them for about eight years, eight, nine years, and they were coming into a place where I was in, and I didn't even say hello. I backdoored it and went out. I don't do that to anybody else, but this particular person, I just thought, uh, if I start talking to them, I won't be able to stop. And I just needed to get going. Is that it's that really bad?
PaulNo, I don't right. I think I know the person you're on about, and the reason you didn't stop is you don't like them.
ChrisNo, it's not I don't like them. I really like them.
PaulIt is it is you don't like the person, they like you, but actually you find that person really annoying, yeah, and you actually can't stand them a little bit, so you hid and basically didn't acknowledge him.
ChrisWell look, if they if look, if we both acknowledge each other and I would have made been polite and said hello, but on this occasion it was a really hot day, and I just wanted to get home and I just thought I've just got a backdoor it, so that's what exactly.
PaulI will even but this is how like maybe semi-sarcastic I am. I would even say hello to my worst enemy. Would ya? Yeah, 100%. Because I just want them to know that I can see you, I have seen you, and you were rude enough not to say hello. Yeah, would you be would you make that hello mate? How are you? Oh, you would do that awkward thing. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, 100%. Fair enough. 100%. Okay. So um, yeah, so I am on Michael's side on this one. I think manners cost you nothing. You were either brought up or you were dragged up, and I was brought up, not dragged up.
ChrisShould we do the uh should we do the one from uh Hazel, shall we, next? Which is a good one.
PaulOh, have you got one from Hazel, have you?
ChrisYes. She says uh she says, doesn't like people who don't like people that clap when the plane lands.
PaulNow oh right, so yeah, so this basically means so on the last episode we said that one of the tuts were people that clap on planes. Yes. Yeah. She's now saying she doesn't like it when people don't clap on planes.
ChrisSee, I d I see this actually happened to me on the plane to Alicante and I was sat with uh with our good friends. Right and and some a load of people clapped and he went, Why are you clapping? It's don't don't cheap it yourself, it's not Ryanair. And I laughed my head off. And if I'm honest with you, I'm not Who said that? Who said that? Was that Michael? That was Michael. That was that was Michael we just listened to. So he just said it's not Ryanair, we we don't clap our hands. You don't need to clap your hands. It's the pilot's job to get this plane landing. Why are we clapping our hands? It's got a good point. I don't get it. No, see, I disagree. I disagree. Would you would you do that on would you do that on a bus? If the bus if the bus driver arrives at the bus station, would you clap it would would you get everybody to clap their hands and say well done, get me?
PaulNo, I wouldn't, but the difference to me is they a plane takes off and they're flying this plane at like 30,000 feet.
ChrisYeah.
PaulRight? But that's what planes do. So yeah, no, you're right, you're absolutely right. But the pilot is in control of of, let's say, 300 people on a flight, 30,000 feet in the air. If anything goes wrong, there's only one ending, right?
ChrisHave you ever okay, put it this way have you ever clapped the captain when he docks in at Southampton and he parks the boat up?
PaulNo, not really. Because right. Yeah, but we're on we're on land and sea. We're not 30,000 feet in the air.
ChrisI know, but that's what planes do.
PaulThat's that's that is not though, it's not what planes do. Planes don't fly themselves. Pilots fly a plane, and I know they get paid a lot of money, I know they go through loads of training, but still, we're 30,000 feet in the air. If anything goes wrong, he's solely responsible for me either being alive or being dead.
ChrisOkay, well, all right, well, but same with a train though, isn't it? Same with a train. That'd be the that that goes at 120 miles an hour.
PaulIt's you're right, but that's completely different. I just think a plane goes at like 400 miles an hour, they're responsible for our lives. We go up, we're in his hands, we go down, fine, get on. So I think credit where credit's due. He's not killed us.
ChrisYeah, well, it'd be it'd be a pretty rubbish flight if he did.
PaulBut I'm also but I'm also on the fence of saying I do get the clapping is slightly weird, but I still think we shouldn't undermine the responsibility that a pilot has. Oh, yeah. Do you know what I mean?
ChrisI think it's a very, very, very tough job. Uh, you know, they've got to get that plane up in the air, press the autopilot, sit back for a few hours and then land it. You know, I guess there's obviously more to it than that. I'm just judging.
PaulAll right, hang on. Let me turn it on you then. Let me turn it on you. I'm turning it on you.
ChrisGo on.
PaulUm, why do you get a round of applause at the end of the show?
ChrisAnd I don't. I never I've never got a round of applause. Yeah, but but you have.
PaulSo at the end of a show, at the end of a show, you get a round of applause. Why are they clapping?
ChrisWell, because they've enjoyed it, I guess.
PaulThat's right, and it's a sign of appreciation. So sometimes clapping a pilot or a pilot when the plane has landed is a sign of appreciation.
ChrisOh, I guess so. Yeah, I guess that's a good way of putting it. Hey.
PaulI've got you there, aren't I? I've got you there.
ChrisDo you know what? There was um there was a comedian I saw the other day. I've never heard this before, but basically, as he as his sign-off, he went, Can we just have a big round of applause for the bar staff and the waiters and the all the everybody that works here? And he went, Thank you very much, good night. And he left the stage with an applause. So, regardless if the gig's going well or not, he still finishes with an applause, but he's actually done an applause for people that that work on the work in the venue. So that was clever.
PaulI think that's a clever way of doing it.
ChrisNever never heard anybody do that. Because if you're having a bit of a tough gig, you still get a round of applause. But he, in all fairness, he was quite good. I liked him. Anyway, uh let's let's move on. Uh, we've got time for another one.
PaulI'll move on. Let me do the next one. Um this one is cruise related and it's from Anonymous. Oh. Uh people at buffet on a cruise ship, they have loaded their plate and then they just stand there.
ChrisOh uh what are they doing? They just are they just standing there?
PaulWell no, so basically let's say they're at the I think they're at the buffet and they've basically got their mash, got their beds, got their meat or whatever, and then they just stand there staring. It's like move out the way.
ChrisI think that's general in buffets in itself, but not just on cruise ships. I think it's because it's quite overwhelming, isn't it?
PaulUh do you know, but I just I just find buffets an all-inclusive. I find them weird in the sense of it doesn't restrict me on how much I'm going to eat.
ChrisSee, I I panic and I and I can never quite work out what I want because there's so much food, it's a bit overwhelming. Is that weird? Do you ever have like do you ever have like a mixed plate of stuff? Oh yeah. Stuff that doesn't go together.
PaulRight, so earlier on, literally two hours ago, um I had mashed potato, yeah, roast potatoes, yeah, mint sauce, yeah, and chicken nuggets.
ChrisThat is a that's mental. That is absolutely mental. Double potato and chicken nuggets and mint sauce. Like what a combination that is.
PaulBut you wouldn't normally have that at home though, would you? So but and then this is what I mean. So this is why I think all inclusive and buffets, they're bad, really. Like if you go to a restaurant, you already start your main course and your dessert. Once you've finished your plate, that's it. There's no other option to have any more. But on buffets and all-inclusive, I can have more if I want to. So if you've got no self-control, then you're in trouble.
ChrisHere's a uh a little insight actually into this pod. Are you is your ship actually moving? Are you you've have you set sail?
PaulUh yes, we have just left Oldon and we're heading to Flam. Do you know why I know that? I think. Do you know why I know that? Why?
ChrisIt's because I can hear you hear that noise?
PaulWhat can you hear?
ChrisI can hear in your wardrobe there is some uh there's some hangers that are clanging around.
PaulOh, can you hear the hangers clanging? We were talking about this earlier. Yeah, we right, so so funny story, last night we were um we were in our me and Mitch are in our cabin. Yeah, um, we're not in a double bed, we're in two singles. Oh, and um I woke up like middle of the night, and obviously again it's pitch black. Yeah. And I was like, what is that noise? Yeah. And then it is the hangers moving.
ChrisSee, now people are gonna go, oh yeah, I can hear that now. To be honest, I only just picked up on it. I was like, oh, I can hear cla oh I know what that is. That is the hangers.
PaulHang on, let me take my headphones off. I need to hear it.
ChrisAlright. You can hear the hear the clanging?
PaulOh yeah. That's strange, isn't it? I don't know what I'm not doing anything about it. I'm not moving.
ChrisNo, that's all right. We'll we'll just have the clang. We'll just people like it anyway. Uh right, so thanks.
PaulSo, yeah, based on based on Mitch's, yeah, I think that's really annoying. Right, should we do one more?
ChrisYou just reveal the name.
PaulOh, yeah, sorry. I said anonymous. Yeah, it's Mitch. Busted!
ChrisUh time just so you know, can I be perfectly clear?
PaulGo on. I'm gonna set an expression. We are never doing this style of podcasting ever again. Never again. I I think this is the worst episode we have ever put out. This is horrific. I don't know what I'm doing. It feels I feel like um I feel like a um schizophrenic. I've just got a voice in my head and I'm sat in front of a mirror responding to it.
ChrisIt does feel weird, doesn't it? Because you can't see people's reactions. Feels odd.
PaulI love doing this podcast, but ironically, I can't wait for this one to be over. Yeah. This is killing me. I hate it. Right, do one more so I can get off.
ChrisOkay, then uh here's a good one. Uh from David when people stand uh in front of a screen, uh uh into the screen when watching football, just sit in your chair. Oh, I get it. So uh people stand up getting too involved with the football, shouting at the screen, just sit down. Yeah, I get that. I was like that with the world.
PaulRight, so see that happens in um that happens in cinemas for me.
ChrisWhat?
PaulUm people get up and so yeah, so if if you're going to the cinema, right, and you go to watch a film, you you have the chance to get your drinks and your snacks before the film starts, right?
ChrisYeah, I get it.
PaulAnd right next to the door of the entrance to the cinema, to the screening, is the toilet. Go to the toilet. But people that get up mid-film to go for a wee, you're literally missing the film. I know, but if you're desperate, you've got to go, haven't you? You've got to go. No, control your bladder.
ChrisCan you go before the start of the film, please? Uh of a bad bladder. It just annoys me.
PaulNo, I don't care. Well, don't go to the cinema then. Take your bladder and yourself and get out of the cinema, please. Uh yeah, and uh and when David says when people stand up in in front of the screen when you're trying to watch football and they just sit down, just sit down. Yeah. And that's where I I do I do sometimes question how I've got this far in life and no one's no one's ever grabbed me by the throat or punched me. Because I could be so sarcastic in those scenarios.
ChrisSee that's why we don't sit and watch football together in a pub.
PaulMove, sit down, get out the way. Sit down, mate. I'll try to watch a footy. Here's a funny story. Not not the World Cup, but the Euros a few years ago. Yeah. Um I went to a local pub to watch England game and I was still at the bar. I'm only five foot and eight, eight and a half, or whatever. But as I turned round to take a sip from my drink that I was drinking, and I turned back around, some guy who was like six foot four just stood in front of me.
ChrisYeah, that's annoying. That is annoying. I'll go, excuse me.
PaulIn that scenario, in that scenario, I didn't say anything because he was a bit bigger than me.
ChrisYeah, it's probably best.
PaulI didn't want to get my head knocked off. It's best to pick your bowels. Uh so that exactly that.
ChrisSo there we go. We've made it, we've done it.
PaulYeah, great, we've done it. I just I want to apologize to every listener that downloads this episode. It's been horrific, it's awful. Um just doing our best. That's all I'm saying. All I would say is just stick with us. We'll be we'll be back.
ChrisI just press play and just keep the volume down. It's all good for the figures. Uh there we go. Yeah, exactly. All right. Well, we'll see you on the next episode and have a good day.